Ask me no questions
by Claire O'Mack
Summary: Alternante look at the end of episode 4.9, the conversation that could so easily have been.


_So this is my first time writing for spooks, the temptation was to do a big gritty piece about bombs and death, but as this is my first time I thought I would start with a more character driven one shot._

_Please read and let me know what you think._

_Set at the end of episode of 4.9, this is my take on that little moment._

ASK ME NO QUESTIONS...

It was dark on the grid, quite, almost silent but for the gentle hum of her computer and the soft blue glow coming from its monitor. The only light illuminating her face in the shadows that surrounded her now. Shadows, that's all any of them ever were to the outside world, operating in secret, their deeds and heroism never allowed to be recognised by and unsuspecting public. No they only ever knew of the failures, the ones that got missed. Ruth let out a small breath as she turned her eyes from her computer screen and glanced though the glass directly in front of her. The red glow of Harry's office spilled out only slightly as the blinds were partly drawn. Ruth could only see fractions of the office, and had yet to catch sight of Harry himself at all. Ruth theorised that he was sat at his desk, trying to fill out all the paperwork that was required when bringing a suspected rogue agent back into the fold.

No the British public did not have any idea how close they had come to disaster this day, how easy it would have been for others, less moral, less concerned with integrity to have taken over and turned Britain into a police state. The thought no longer angered her, it was far easier to operate in the shadows, but also easier to get lost there, all they really had in this job was each other, and that was why she still sat there in the dark, long after the last bus had left for her part of the city. Ruth had to know that Harry was going to be all right after this latest attempt to discredit him. Ruth knew Harry was a hard man, he had seen a lot in his lifetime, but she also knew those little things could eat away at a person, driving them further into the dark world they had all chosen to occupy.

Yet she still sat at her desk, unmoving and still unwilling to go and seek him out, to ask if he was ok. Ruth tapped her fingers against the wood of her desk, the sound echoed though the empty grid and she ceased the activity at once. Fear of being herd here so late, or just simple paranoia, it was hard to tell any more.

So she sat at her desk in silence, pretending to read the latest intelligent reports until he came out of his office and she could see his face. Harry Pearce maybe one of the best liars in the country, but Ruth could always tell when he was feeding her what she wanted to here. That was if she could look him in the eyes when he was telling her. Her tactic was however ambushed by the sound of her phone ringing. Looking at it for a moment like it had grown legs Ruth quickly snatched it up off the handset and placed it against her ear.

"Are you planning on sitting out there all night, or would you care to join me for a drink?" Harry voice held a certain sarcasm that Ruth knew well. Before she had chance to reply he hung up on her, a typical response from him, for Ruth knew Harry, but Harry also knew Ruth. A request from him never went unanswered by her, and not wanting to disappoint, Ruth stood up flicked off her computer and made her way to his office door.

Pausing outside she knocked on the frame, his response for her to enter almost immediate as she slid the door back and stepped over the threshold into his inner sanctum. Having been in Harry's office on numerous occasions, Ruth could feel the difference immediately. There was no pressing issue of the day, no information required, no work to discuss. She had been invited for a drink, and yet this simple request held so much more to it, neither of them would have dared voice out loud.

"Whiskey" Harry said handing her the drink and not suggesting there was any kind of choice. Ruth guessed it was just that kind of night.

"Thank you." Ruth replied eyeing the generous portion of whiskey that had been handed to her. She was sure this was no blend, and on first sip knew it was from Harry's private stock.

"Please sit." Harry said offering Ruth the chair on the opposite side of his desk, as he sat down in his own chair and pulled it closer to the desk. Folding her skirt under her Ruth copied his actions, taking only a brief glance at him as she noticed his eyes watching her.

"I don't think I thanked you Ruth, for what you did for me while I was, let's say having troubles." Harry's eyes were still on hers when Ruth finally lifted her head. She looked back at him and placed her glass on the desk.

"It's not necessary, it was my job." Ruth replied a little embarrassed at his open praise, and a little by his constant scrutiny of her.

"Nonsense, you and the rest of the team went above and beyond for me, I just wanted you to know. It did not go unnoticed." Harry's fingers twitched slightly, and for a moment Ruth suspected he wanted to reach out and take her hand. It was sat there next to her glass, fingers curled slightly, she briefly noticed that one of her nails was crooked before refocusing herself on what Harry had said.

"Of course, we would have done it for any member of the team." Ruth replied quickly taking her glass and her hand off the table, moving herself out of Harry's reach. The corresponding sigh from Harry had Ruth looking up at him again, this time she caught sight of a slight pain there, one that vanished almost as soon as it had appeared.

"Are you ok Harry, I mean really ok?" Ruth asked, the question finally falling off her lips beyond her control to suppress it. And yet she did not regret it once it had. Keeping a lock on his gaze Ruth followed his eyes as they shifted from her to his drink and back again.

"I will be." Was his reply, short and to the point, Ruth had not expected anything else, and yet the admission hinted at something, something that she may only be able to get out of him at this moment.

"Harry it's ok you know, to feel let down." Ruth said this time placing her hand back on the table and offering him her support.

"You don't work in this business as long as I have without having felt the bitter sting of betrayal once or twice." Harry replied as Ruth allowed her head to shake from side to side.

"You say that as though it doesn't bother you, but I know it must have." Ruth continued refusing to let it go now, she had opened the door, and by god she was going to walk though it.

"True, but the hurt becomes less after a while, you harden yourself to it, know its only part of the world we live in."

"Which is what Harry, secrets and lies?" Ruth interjected, her voice cutting straight though his continued explanation of why he was going to be fine.

"Yes, that's what we do Ruth, secrets and lies. You knew that when you came here, and you are still here because your bloody good at it." Harry said placing his glass on the desk with more force than was necessary. Expecting Ruth to flinch or back down Harry was surprised when she lent forward further.

"Not with each other, that's the concession, we should be able to talk to each other, or, or." Ruth's voice drifted off as Harry backed down slightly leaning back in his chair and emptying his glass of whiskey.

"Or what?" He finally asked as Ruth's eyes levelled with his own again and Harry had to blink.

"Or it will consume us." She said not offering anything more as Harry reached behind him for the single malt and topped up hos own glass.

"Perhaps, but trusting someone completely can leave you exposed in our line of work, the lies can be, safer." Harry was not sure where this conversation was going, but it wasn't what he had intended when he had invited Ruth in for a drink. He had wanted to thank her, tell her he would be fine and send her home in a taxi, and yet this was so much more compelling for a very different reason.

"Safer for whom, and for how long, Harry today you were so close to being a footnote on some case report. The service on the brink of disaster, and yet you sit here now and tell me you will be fine, I'm not sure I can believe that." Ruth said her voice holding all the emotion she was feeling at the moment and Harry almost reached out and took her hand. Holding back and going for his glass instead her replied slowly.

"I would have only regretted one thing Ruth, and regret is not something I ever wanted to live with. If I go out knowing I did the right thing, but the wrong people didn't like it, I can live with that. But I would have regretted leaving you, and not having told you how I really felt." Harry watched with slight amusement as Ruth face changed from curiosity to shock in an instant. Harry knew that Ruth was just as aware of their complex relationship as he was, more frightened of it perhaps and more in denial. But its what had kept her here until the small hours, sitting in she shadows and staring at a computer screen.

"Harry that's not exactly what I meant, I was offering you someone to talk to, I would do the same for Adam." Ruth said backtracking quickly as she felt the tension in the room rise to a new and yet unexplored level.

"Ask me no questions Ruth." Harry said with a small smile as Ruth watched his lips curl up slightly before taking another sip of his drink. Ruth hesitated, did she really want to open up that particular can of worms. His get out clause of speaking no more on the subject was so tempting,simply to slink back into the shadows, alone and with her somewhat fragile heart still in one piece. Yet it closed the door she had managed to finally jam her foot though and even if it was just a glimmer of light, it was pushing the shadows away.

"Could we ever have something normal though Harry, ever truly trust one another with all that has happened?" Ruth said finally swallowing her fear and deciding to see where this went.

"Perhaps not, but maybe it would be worth the risk." Harry said not hesitating for a moment as Ruth placed her now empty glass on the table and took a deep breath.

"And what if it isn't, what if we die tomorrow?" Ruth said the one thing she had been frightened of from the start. Their job had a real and imminent danger of death, she had see it happen to too many of her friends to deny it any longer.

"Then at least there wouldn't be any regrets." Harry said now reaching for the whiskey bottle intending to pour Ruth another. Her hand covered her glass before he could do so and he looked at her inquisitively.

"I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for religion, I have shuddered at it. I shudder no more, I could be marted for my religion, love is my religion, I could die for that." Ruth said looking into Harry's eyes once more and seeing his eyebrows close together.

"Wordsworth?" He enquired as Ruth shook her head.

"Keats, don't let all your hard work go to waste for me Harry, don't let me become a weakness you cannot afford." Ruth said standing now and turning slowly away from him. She didn't want to go, her body was screaming at her to turn around and place her lips over his softly and make him moan her name. Ruth new however to save him she would have to break his heart one last time, taking a step forward, she had not heard Harry get up and his arm coming across to lean on the door frame blocking her path made her jump.

"You are already a weakness Ruth, I have had them before, and I've been known to live with them." Harry knew he had to do something quickly, this moment might never come again, Ruth was right about one thing, they both could die tomorrow.

"Harry Pearce with a weakness, never." Ruth said still slightly off balance by his proximity and deciding to make light of his comment.

"Don't hide in the shadows forever Ruth, I have for too long, and look what it got me, a glimmer of happiness is better than none, especially in our business, we see so much horror a little light at the end of the tunnel cannot be a bad thing." Harry said quickly feeling the softening of her mood as she dropped her hands to her sides and gave him a slightly crooked smile.

"Perhaps one day we will be able to have it all, but until we are both free of this life the horror will hang over us, you know it as well as I do." Ruth said reaching up and placing her hand tenderly on his cheek. She could feel the day old stubble and imagined what it would be like lying asleep across her chest. A blush rose at her secret thoughts and she removed her hand. Harry grabbed it before it could make it back to the safety of her side and held it gently.

"I will hold you to that you know, one day." He said both of them knowing with almost certainty that that day was a long time off, maybe even never, but it was hope.

"Goodnight Harry." Ruth said with a small smile as he dropped her hand and allowed her to pass him.

"Goodnight Ruth." He called softly after her as she picked up her coat and walked off into the shadows.

"Ask me no questions." He intoned to himself as he went back to his desk and began typing.

_THE END_

_Hope that was ok for a first offering, thank you for reading XxX_


End file.
